I was confounded by accounts in the news of female teachers getting involved and running off with their male high school students. I thought only us men attempted to pull something like that off and I started picturing Ian Anderson's Aqualung as a math teacher -- probably not a good idea to have him in the classroom. Anyway, this is what happens when you let a math major write rock song lyrics. It probably shouldn't be done. If you're the curious type, run your cursor over the lyrics. You'll find wiki-links to help explain many of the terms.

I knew I'd never be able to pull off the guitar solos. So, I asked
the amazing Glenn Riley
if he'd help out and he graciously accepted. If you like slammin' guitar solos, his work alone is
worth the purchase price of this CD.

Rhythm Guitar Tablature

Disclaimer: Clearly, the vast majority of teachers are competent and caring professionals who would never think of abusing a child. Some of my best friends are teachers. I was never mistreated by a teacher. Well, Sister Eventia did knuckle me on the head one time, but other than that ...

When you want to
integrate,
I'll show you the
form.

When you want to
circulate,
we will
transform

To a parallel universe reserved for you and me --

One-to-one, onto,
a
set that's discrete.

When you slip off your
slope and you need a hero

Accelerating to the earth or
spiraling within,

I will catch and land you where the
tangent is zero --

Me a
relative max,
you a
relative min.

The problem
is there's just too many figures in your head --

Independent variables like
fiber optic thread.

When your mind gets dizzy and approaching
overload,

I'll decrypt those
algorithms, break the
code.

(solo 1)

When you want to test the
limit,
I'll approach from left and right .

Close those
open intervals
where the
graph is out of sight.

If there is some
upper limit you want to exceed,

Make you hyper-oscillate, turn up
velocity.

If you're confused about
domain and the
range,

Just map your
function to myself so we can exchange

Input
to
output
or the other way around.

Either way we'll
calculate
the answer
to be found.

When
problems
bother you and keep you up at night,

Information overload, can't fit another
byte.

Deadline is approaching and you're running out of time

Whatever complicates you I can
simplify.

(solo 2)

The problem
is there's just too many figures in your head --

Independent variables like
fiber optic thread.

Vectors pointing everywhere in
multi-time-and-space

I have correct
solutions that you must embrace.

(solo 3)

The problem
is there's just too many figures in your head --

Independent variables like
fiber optic thread.

When you want your
teacher
to show you what he knows,

We'll
transfer
to the fifth dimension,
curl your toes.

Fibreoptic Thread

Quadratic equation

Einstein's mass and energy conversion formula

or does it?

Quadratic roots

Step | Equation | Reason |
---|---|---|

0 | A = B | Given |

1 | A^{2} = A*B | multiply both sides by A |

2 | A^{2}- B^{2} = A*B - B^{2} | subtract B^{2} from both sides |

3 | (A + B) * (A - B) = B * (A - B) | factor terms |

4 | (A + B) = B | divide both sides by (A - B) |

5 | (B + B) = B | substitute B for A since A = B |

6 | 2*B = B | combine like terms |

7 | 2 = 1 | divide both sides by B |

8 | Huh? | You can now forget everything you have ever been taught in math class. |

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